Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
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