do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
