its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
