Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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