rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
You've changed since you got that strap on
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize