I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
