eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Randomize
