you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
