lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Randomize
