so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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