my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
