i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
