when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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