Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
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