Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
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