my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
you are the best fuck buddy i could have, all the others get feelings and morals involved
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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