Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
