just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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