i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
