my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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