I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Randomize
