I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
