he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize