You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
