I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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