Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize