I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
