You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
