Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize