Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Do vagina's smell?
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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