Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Randomize
