well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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