it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Randomize
