Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
