i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize