Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
