and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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