it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
