Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
