In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
