Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
