I will die if light touches me.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
