9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We need a shit load of segways right now
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
