I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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