We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Randomize
