How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
