i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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