look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
