i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Randomize
