i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
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