Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
