Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
