I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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