So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
this is an emotional support booty call
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
