Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Randomize