Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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