I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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