This is not my ceiling
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize