Betty ford says i'm here all night
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
