I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
You smell like stripper and shame
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
