I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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