So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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