I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
