Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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