If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
