May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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