so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
