U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
