is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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