just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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