apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
