She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
