The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
