Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
